BBoys BGirls & BBall
BBoys BGirls & BBall: Part 1
Boys will BBoys and Girls will BGirls right?
But what happens when girls feel like boys and boys feel like girls? It doesn't seem to be that simple then...does it? But really...what are we supposed to do? If you're a person who, growing up was a girl that felt more like a boy - what do you do? If you were a boy that felt more feminine - what do you do? What about, if you're a Christian and you come across a person who is trapped in that battle - how do you react and what do you say?
I don't want to restate everything that I already stated in the poem, but I do want to explore the topic just a little bit further. As I told you in "My First Blog", I believe that God is challenging me to "start the conversation" instead of waiting for the conversation to come to me. The last time I performed that poem in a show a lot of conversation "came to me" regarding the subject matter. Though it was from different sources and from unrelated people, it seemed as though the message had landed and many Christians just wanted to know..."so...how DO we respond?".
What was the message?
Basically, what I was trying to say, what I'm trying to argue is that the topic of gender identity and what defines and what goes into someones sexuality is way more complicated and goes way deeper than we can really see or judge on the surface. When we see a man that's more feminine, or a woman who is more masculine, our minds are just programmed to call them "gay" or assume they're "gay" or if they aren't openly gay we believe in our hearts that they secretly want to be or thought about it. We default to categories, blame, shame. And if we're REALLY super spiritual we even feel that its our responsibility to make sure they know that the lifestyle they're pursuing or wanting to pursue or may-not-even-be-pursuing-but-we-think-they-might is an absolute sin before the Lord and if WE don't take the time to tell them then they'll never know and so "I must say something" becomes our resolve.
I am a saved, born-again, heterosexual female who knows about this battle through and through AND THROUGH. I know what it's like to be born a girl but not ever truly be able to fit in with the other girls around me. I have very, very early childhood memories and even accounts from my own mother, of me pulling on the clothes she made me wear, despising anything that fit too snuggly, and being more naturally drawn to the masculine mannerisms than feminine ones. I remember the comments from other family members that I would "grow out of it" that its "just a phase", but as I grew all I knew was that the gap between me and other females was only growing and growing. As they matured in their desires for makeup and boys, I never obtained that want. When sleepovers were consumed with calling our guy friends on the phone just to talk, I lost interest quickly. As they pursued skirts and tank tops, I never wanted to show that much leg or arm. And soon the gap between us became so large that I knew that I might not ever catch up.
Let me plug something else in here for a moment. There is some same-sex abuse in my past and it started early and I know that it played a major role in my need to cover my whole body with XL clothing and caused some major relational issues later on in my life (I'll explore that more in another blog). However, my gender identity battles were inherent within me BEFORE the abuse happened and that's the greater point I'm trying to make. There are many men and women that have embraced the homosexual lifestyle ONLY as a result of having being abused by the opposite sex and therefore, losing trust in them. There are many in the lifestyle because they were abused by the same sex and so that's where their relational comfort lies or where they find their relational acceptance. There are many that were never abused at all, but for some reason, their gender identity (how they "felt" on the inside) tended to be more masculine as female and more feminine as a male. One of the battles I had growing up was wrestling with the fact that most boys weren't attracted to me because I was too much like them. Even though I seemed to be so glaringly different from my other female counterparts, I still wanted relationship, wanted to be attractive to someone, wanted to be wanted. Everyone does. So, the fellas (not always, but most often) turned me away, but there was a growing audience of practicing gay females that were calling my name. This was a struggle. Being a female basketball player in the 90s, when the rise of Studs and Aggressives really began to hit the middle and high school scene, brought on a great deal of pressure. I was heavily struggling mentally with not giving in to the lifestyle where my society, my family, and even THE CHURCH just ASSUMED I should be.
I'm going to leave that alone for a minute and just let you breathe and think on that. Does what I write make you think any differently at all about the topic, about what's going on in the minds of those who battle? I am, in no way, discounting the Word of God and what His Word states (Romans 1:18-27) regarding the willful entering into a same-sex relationship. It is a sin (A sin, not THE sin, and not a greater sin than any other). But what I hope we can do is to think FIRST about a persons background, experiences, genetic make-up (more on that later), influences, etc...that may have brought them to that place and SECOND or LAST or NOT AT ALL even on how we are to change them or the way that they act. The battle with homosexuality is a relational issue, not a sexual one. Again, it's a relational issue, not a sexual one.
Shaun King, the pastor of Courageous Church in Atlanta, GA spoke a little on the topic in his "Ask Anything" series. You can hear his response to the question of "If homosexuality is a sin, then why does God allow for hermaphrodite or intersex people to be born? Why are there genetic mutations where a person can be born with both organs?"...To hear his answer, download the podcast HERE, go to "Ask Anything - Part 1 - October 20, 2009", fast-forward it 37 minutes in and I hope that his answer really makes you think.
So...How DO we respond?
Well check out Part 2 of this blog for my honest opinion...coming soon, and in Part 3 of this blog I will talk about "But I Was Born This Way".
Posted by M.Celita Lewis at 1/1/2010 5:29 PM 
Categories: Gender Identity
Tags: studs homosexuality gay relationship
Categories: Gender Identity
Tags: studs homosexuality gay relationship
I really appreciate the candor and honesty in your writing. Thank you for sharing your story. I hope it will encourage and enlighten others. Sexual identity and sexual orientation are two separate things, as are sexual desires and sexual sin. Keep writing, and God bless!
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Celitia, words can not express how blessed I was by your video and blog. It seems like the conversation about gender identity is completely of base. In the world, its condoned but in church its condemned. No one seems to really understand or is able to articulate the real issue facing individuals who struggle with gender identification. Your words are frank, true, and pierce to the core. Most of all, they are completely from the heart of God. It is only when we love people where they are, reguardless of their struggle, that we show the heart of Christ and we pave the way for people to shed the identity imposed on them by the world and by cercumstances and recieve the identity God has given.
Thanks so much for your words. I encourage you to keep declaring what God has placed in your heart. It is the truth that will set many, many free. Be blessed.
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U ah Beast!!!!!!!!!! i love it!!!
"O Lord, our God, other Lord's besides you have ruled over us, but your name alone do we honor" Isaiah 26:13!!!! das my joint, being ah man ruled by other gods,4 whateva has ya obedience, has become a god 2u, but im ashamed of those obedience's, even 2 mention gods!! But i praise my God, the one i truly desire 2 honor!!!! Jesus went hard 2 make it not about sin,it said he took away the power of sin, get free Jesus loverz!!!!!!!
~Reace Freemen~
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Celitia, I'm looking forward to your future writings and gaining insight into your perspective of subjects I've not fully understood. I truly believe that each of us, regardless of ANY labels society places on us, is worth of God's love, to be cherished as a creation of HIS, and has a purpose and path in life as unique as a fingerprint. God bless you dear.
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He knows your name, and so do I.
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Love the Blog...really speaking to real issues...Love your fearless approach to such Taboo issues!
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Powerful blog. We have this discussion all the time in my courses at Columbia Teachers college when talking about struggles facing our students. Although not everyone agrees with what others say, the discussions open new ways of thinking and provide new suggestions to support our students. I really think your words will get others to REALLY think about what they say and as well as do. ~VCJ
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You already know this needs to be heard, but I'm SO glad I have somewhere to direct people to come and hear your story now! Just be prepared for those who question your experiences. I'm sure you've already experienced it in "real life" but when people can hide behind a computer, they say things they would never say to your face. SO glad you're doing this.
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