BBoys BGirls & BBall-Part 2
BBoys BGirls & BBall: Our Response
In Part 1 of “BBoys BGirls & BBall” I answered the question “What’s the message?” and I just tried to break down my heart as it relates to some of the misconceptions regarding gender identity. If you haven’t read Part 1, you may want to do that in order to gain an understanding of where I’m going now.
In Part 2 I want to answer the question “So...what is our response?”. When we come across someone who’s gender identity doesn’t seem to match what we perceive a male or female to be, how do we respond? Let me broaden it. As Christians, when we come across ANYONE who’s life doesn’t totally model or walk out the Word of God as we have read it, how do we treat them? If we meet someone or know someone who is struggling not only in their gender identity but has also, in turn, embraced the life of homosexuality, where should we default in our minds?
Well, let’s look at a couple of things and perhaps you can deduce the answer from these:
Example of our response B - A comment posted on Part 1 of this blog by a Dominic:
“...It seems like the conversation about gender identity is completely of base. In the world, its condoned but in church its condemned. No one seems to really understand or is able to articulate the real issue facing individuals who struggle with gender identification...It is only when we love people where they are, regardless of their struggle, that we show the heart of Christ and we pave the way for people to shed the identity imposed on them by the world and by circumstances and receive the identity God has given.”
Example of our response C - 1 Corinthians 13:1-7
“ If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”
So...what is our response? It’s love. It’s love, love, love, love, love, love, LOVE!
No, no wait! Don’t go! Don’t stop reading because you’ve read that verse a million times and you’ve heard it all before and “of course we should respond in love, everyone knows that”. Okay, sure, of course you know that, but do we really, really, really, think about what that means and what that looks like? Let’s really take some time to process that in practical ways and think through what it means to walk that out. Because here’s what I’m not saying or what is typically the misconception. I’m not saying that we respond with whatever we feel we need to say, in whatever tone we feel we need to say it IN LOVE. No! I’m not saying that we still go ahead and respond IN LOVE. I’m saying that our response IS LOVE.
And I know that we all (well all of us who name the name of Christ) have heard the term and we embrace the term “unconditional love” and we can mentally assent to the fact that it means that we don’t place any conditions on loving someone and we THINK that that’s actually the way that we do love people, but the truth is....we don’t. I don’t. You don’t. We don’t. The truth is, in our hearts and in our minds, we place all kinds of conditions on our love and we don’t even know it. Even now, as I’m writing, some of you are struggling with the thought that I’m saying that we shouldn’t address sin and we just need to smile and hug on people and not ever say anything about their lifestyle. You can’t even read this message and embrace that our only response is love without thinking in your mind and going elsewhere.
Forget the issue of homosexuality or of gender identity. Forget that. Just think about your sister, your friend, your coworker that you so desperately wish would adhere to the advice you give them about God. And just think about how frustrated we get when we’ve invited them to church time after time and they still refuse to come. Think about how uptight we get when they may haphazardly live their lives, just the way they want to live them, right in our faces. How many times have we been fed up, been discouraged because they haven’t changed, been mad at them for just going their own way. Think about how, in that moment, we don’t quite treat them the same, with the same regard or with the same patience we might give someone else who DID respond when we spoke to them, who DID come to church when we invited them, who DID give their lives to the Lord when we asked if we could pray with them. Think about it deeply....and then....embrace the reality that we give CONDITIONAL love.
Under the condition that you did respond to Christ's Word when I spoke it, I appreciate you more and I’m relieved to speak with you. Under the condition that you did come to church when I invited you, I can hang out with you more now and introduce you to my friends. Under the condition that you changed your music, your clothing, your associations, you can be my friend and it’s my pleasure to number myself with you.
You see, we don’t just SAY these things outright, but it’s the truth that’s in our hearts. When people fit the mold we believe they should have, they’re accepted...they’re conditionally loved. When people don’t fit the mold, choose to live outside the mold, choose to take that mold and bust it wide open, then inwardly, secretly, subtly, they’re rejected...and therefore, not unconditionally loved.
Christ loved us unconditionally. When we didn’t fit the mold, chose to live outside the mold, chose to take the mold and bust it wide open...He loved us unconditionally even then. “Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:7-8) And as He is our example, we should do the same thing.
But, But, But
Man, you know, as I’m writing, I can hear so many different responses. So many different rebuttals and I don’t have the time or the space to respond to every one of them now, but I hope that you see that I do understand the balance. There is a balance. YES, we are called to be holy/other/set apart. But showing true unconditional love IS “other”, that’s not how the world does it. Also, if you are still inwardly struggling yourself in a particular area, then it would be wise to put your distance between yourself and others that may be glorifying that struggle or encouraging that sin. Don’t use the excuse that you can be “in the world but not of it” to place yourself in a compromising situation to YOUR OWN spiritual health (not theirs).
However, outside of that, let’s stop pushing people away and holding them at an arms length until they change. Accept them just the way they are, learn to love them right where they are....period. (Insert LOL emoticon) I really think you thought I was going to say “love them right where they are and...in time, they’ll come around”. HA! No! That’s the problem, because when they don’t come around we get frustrated and our love changes. Just love them. No agenda. No expectation.
Let’s go back to Steve Harvey just for a quick second and then I’ll close. The clip above alone may have meant something to you within itself. But if you saw the Celebration of Gospel ( COB ) last night on BET then it probably would mean a great deal more. On COB they honored Steve for being the host of the show for the past 10 years. Steve himself would often joke about how he, for the life of him, could never understand why those church-people kept inviting him back. He would joke about how he really had to hold his tongue and try not to curse when doing his stand up. He’ll admit that he does love the Lord but there are just some things in his life he is still working on. At COB last night, they honored Steve and he was willingly accepting the recognition until Pastor Donnie McClurkin got on the stage and started reminding him that he was deeply LOVED and appreciated and VALUED just the way he was. He spoke into him, called him a man of God and when the camera cut to Steve he was crying like a baby. He was deeply, deeply sobbing because he had become overwhelmed at the LOVE he was being shown. Not “i love you, but you need to work on these things”, not “I love you, but you know you not living right”...just “I love you”....period. He was jacked up. That’s God’s love. That’s what His love will do to people. That’s how we should respond.
The next time you meet a girl who looks like a boy. The next time you meet a man who enjoys wearing high heels. The next time you encounter someone who has embraced the homosexual lifestyle. The next time you come across ANYONE that doesn’t fit the mold and even the Christ-taught lifestyle that you may have embraced...love them...unconditionally. I know we want everyone to share in our Hope, but guess what...they can...if we love them.
I had some great women in my life that demonstrated this to me, this unconditional love, and over time, because I knew that I didn't EVER have to change to earn their true love, I began to change myself, for me and not for anyone else. I was accepted into campus ministry, given a chance to pray, to share, to lead, all while still dressing like a boy and displaying many mannerisms like men. They didn't treat me any different. They saw my heart. I knew I was accepted. It was then and ONLY THEN (when I knew I didn't have to change) that I wanted to. I think I turned out okay....
Be a friend. Lend a hand. Open your ear. Lose the agenda. Love.
In Part 3 of this blog I will address “But I Was Born This Way”. You may be surprised at my response.
In Part 1 of “BBoys BGirls & BBall” I answered the question “What’s the message?” and I just tried to break down my heart as it relates to some of the misconceptions regarding gender identity. If you haven’t read Part 1, you may want to do that in order to gain an understanding of where I’m going now.
In Part 2 I want to answer the question “So...what is our response?”. When we come across someone who’s gender identity doesn’t seem to match what we perceive a male or female to be, how do we respond? Let me broaden it. As Christians, when we come across ANYONE who’s life doesn’t totally model or walk out the Word of God as we have read it, how do we treat them? If we meet someone or know someone who is struggling not only in their gender identity but has also, in turn, embraced the life of homosexuality, where should we default in our minds?
Well, let’s look at a couple of things and perhaps you can deduce the answer from these:
| Example of our response A - (video)Steve Harvey’s relationship with Donnie McClurkin (sorry embedding was not allowed with this video so you'll have to actually click to watch): I’ll speak more on this later on in the blog - there’s much to say |  |
Example of our response B - A comment posted on Part 1 of this blog by a Dominic:
“...It seems like the conversation about gender identity is completely of base. In the world, its condoned but in church its condemned. No one seems to really understand or is able to articulate the real issue facing individuals who struggle with gender identification...It is only when we love people where they are, regardless of their struggle, that we show the heart of Christ and we pave the way for people to shed the identity imposed on them by the world and by circumstances and receive the identity God has given.”
Example of our response C - 1 Corinthians 13:1-7
“ If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”
So...what is our response? It’s love. It’s love, love, love, love, love, love, LOVE!
No, no wait! Don’t go! Don’t stop reading because you’ve read that verse a million times and you’ve heard it all before and “of course we should respond in love, everyone knows that”. Okay, sure, of course you know that, but do we really, really, really, think about what that means and what that looks like? Let’s really take some time to process that in practical ways and think through what it means to walk that out. Because here’s what I’m not saying or what is typically the misconception. I’m not saying that we respond with whatever we feel we need to say, in whatever tone we feel we need to say it IN LOVE. No! I’m not saying that we still go ahead and respond IN LOVE. I’m saying that our response IS LOVE.
And I know that we all (well all of us who name the name of Christ) have heard the term and we embrace the term “unconditional love” and we can mentally assent to the fact that it means that we don’t place any conditions on loving someone and we THINK that that’s actually the way that we do love people, but the truth is....we don’t. I don’t. You don’t. We don’t. The truth is, in our hearts and in our minds, we place all kinds of conditions on our love and we don’t even know it. Even now, as I’m writing, some of you are struggling with the thought that I’m saying that we shouldn’t address sin and we just need to smile and hug on people and not ever say anything about their lifestyle. You can’t even read this message and embrace that our only response is love without thinking in your mind and going elsewhere.
Forget the issue of homosexuality or of gender identity. Forget that. Just think about your sister, your friend, your coworker that you so desperately wish would adhere to the advice you give them about God. And just think about how frustrated we get when we’ve invited them to church time after time and they still refuse to come. Think about how uptight we get when they may haphazardly live their lives, just the way they want to live them, right in our faces. How many times have we been fed up, been discouraged because they haven’t changed, been mad at them for just going their own way. Think about how, in that moment, we don’t quite treat them the same, with the same regard or with the same patience we might give someone else who DID respond when we spoke to them, who DID come to church when we invited them, who DID give their lives to the Lord when we asked if we could pray with them. Think about it deeply....and then....embrace the reality that we give CONDITIONAL love.
Under the condition that you did respond to Christ's Word when I spoke it, I appreciate you more and I’m relieved to speak with you. Under the condition that you did come to church when I invited you, I can hang out with you more now and introduce you to my friends. Under the condition that you changed your music, your clothing, your associations, you can be my friend and it’s my pleasure to number myself with you.
You see, we don’t just SAY these things outright, but it’s the truth that’s in our hearts. When people fit the mold we believe they should have, they’re accepted...they’re conditionally loved. When people don’t fit the mold, choose to live outside the mold, choose to take that mold and bust it wide open, then inwardly, secretly, subtly, they’re rejected...and therefore, not unconditionally loved.
Christ loved us unconditionally. When we didn’t fit the mold, chose to live outside the mold, chose to take the mold and bust it wide open...He loved us unconditionally even then. “Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:7-8) And as He is our example, we should do the same thing.
But, But, But
Man, you know, as I’m writing, I can hear so many different responses. So many different rebuttals and I don’t have the time or the space to respond to every one of them now, but I hope that you see that I do understand the balance. There is a balance. YES, we are called to be holy/other/set apart. But showing true unconditional love IS “other”, that’s not how the world does it. Also, if you are still inwardly struggling yourself in a particular area, then it would be wise to put your distance between yourself and others that may be glorifying that struggle or encouraging that sin. Don’t use the excuse that you can be “in the world but not of it” to place yourself in a compromising situation to YOUR OWN spiritual health (not theirs).
However, outside of that, let’s stop pushing people away and holding them at an arms length until they change. Accept them just the way they are, learn to love them right where they are....period. (Insert LOL emoticon) I really think you thought I was going to say “love them right where they are and...in time, they’ll come around”. HA! No! That’s the problem, because when they don’t come around we get frustrated and our love changes. Just love them. No agenda. No expectation.
Let’s go back to Steve Harvey just for a quick second and then I’ll close. The clip above alone may have meant something to you within itself. But if you saw the Celebration of Gospel ( COB ) last night on BET then it probably would mean a great deal more. On COB they honored Steve for being the host of the show for the past 10 years. Steve himself would often joke about how he, for the life of him, could never understand why those church-people kept inviting him back. He would joke about how he really had to hold his tongue and try not to curse when doing his stand up. He’ll admit that he does love the Lord but there are just some things in his life he is still working on. At COB last night, they honored Steve and he was willingly accepting the recognition until Pastor Donnie McClurkin got on the stage and started reminding him that he was deeply LOVED and appreciated and VALUED just the way he was. He spoke into him, called him a man of God and when the camera cut to Steve he was crying like a baby. He was deeply, deeply sobbing because he had become overwhelmed at the LOVE he was being shown. Not “i love you, but you need to work on these things”, not “I love you, but you know you not living right”...just “I love you”....period. He was jacked up. That’s God’s love. That’s what His love will do to people. That’s how we should respond.
The next time you meet a girl who looks like a boy. The next time you meet a man who enjoys wearing high heels. The next time you encounter someone who has embraced the homosexual lifestyle. The next time you come across ANYONE that doesn’t fit the mold and even the Christ-taught lifestyle that you may have embraced...love them...unconditionally. I know we want everyone to share in our Hope, but guess what...they can...if we love them.
I had some great women in my life that demonstrated this to me, this unconditional love, and over time, because I knew that I didn't EVER have to change to earn their true love, I began to change myself, for me and not for anyone else. I was accepted into campus ministry, given a chance to pray, to share, to lead, all while still dressing like a boy and displaying many mannerisms like men. They didn't treat me any different. They saw my heart. I knew I was accepted. It was then and ONLY THEN (when I knew I didn't have to change) that I wanted to. I think I turned out okay....
Be a friend. Lend a hand. Open your ear. Lose the agenda. Love.
In Part 3 of this blog I will address “But I Was Born This Way”. You may be surprised at my response.
Posted by M.Celita Lewis at 1/11/2010 10:17 AM 
Categories: Gender Identity
Tags: studs homosexuality gay relationship
Categories: Gender Identity
Tags: studs homosexuality gay relationship
Ha-lle-lu-jah! I just think that my blog will bookend your blog today. Keep it going.
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Please send me the link to your blog when you post. Thank you.
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I love it! I love it, I love it, I love it! Thank you so much for sharing this truth, for highlighting not only what is expected of a Child of God but what is possible! What joy, to know that thru the Spirit of Christ living within me, I can love others with the passion, freedom and unconditionalness that He does! I believe that in the 1Cor. 13 scripture when it says "love always protects", one of the people love protects is the one doing the loving. We are less easily offended and irritated, we forgive more easily, and a heart that is free of malice, anger and hate is a peaceful one! I am not bummed out by having to love others, but thrilled that I get to love others, and even more joyful that God's love will increase in me as I decrease. God so deeply and intimately identifies with people that when we don't love them, truly love them, we cannot claim to be loving God. In the same way, you cannot say you love me but despise my child. I am passionate about her, and if you reject her, you reject a huge part of me. Our deepest acts of worship, our most passionate expressions of love for God are expressed in our unconditional, relentless, reckless, self-less love of others.
Thanks again for sharing this, and for courageously opening your heart and life to the wonderful witness of God's great call to His children.
Blessings, Kelly Robichaud
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Thank you Kelly. So glad this blog somehow crossed your path and that you've taken the time to read. I hope we can continue to interact through these readings. If you are on twitter, send me your twitter name so I can follow you.
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Gosh, Monica! I am SO enjoying your blogs. This has been a tremendous help and resource to me. Within the last year I've felt like I've been surrounded by people who are transgendered, gay, lesbian, etc and I didn't really know why or how to deal with it. There was one particular individual that God led me to pray for as result the Lord began to show me things about this particular individual and from there the Lord instructed me to pray and love this person. However, I felt like it wasn't enough at the time and started doing some of the things you mentioned in your blog. God had to remind me that all I told you to do is to pray and to love. This blog was confirmation for me that it was God speaking to me, cause sometimes I'm just not sure and question myself. Especially after talking to some of my friends would question me for not saying more or why am I around "those" people, I begin to feel the pressure to be more vocal about my stance against homosexuality and again God would have to remind it's not my battle to fight and all I told you to do is to pray and to love, that's it!
Well again I love your blog and it is really blessing me.
Love ya Monica,
Kim
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Kim, thank you for your replies on my blogs. It's been encouraging to hear your own testimony and see that these writings are of some worth to you. I believe that God creates windows for us to actually share His gospel via speaking and challenging, but I also believe that we have to be very sensitive to that window and be sure that's what He wants us to do. I sure hope no one thinks I'm just saying we never say anything, do anything, but that's not our first response. Anyway, I know you understand. Thanks for being one of the ladies who showed me unconditional love at Spelman.
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wow...wow.wow...That's all I can say. i am totally moved by your words and my eyes are teary. i am kicking myself for not getting to know you better before we moved. wow...just wow. thank you for sharing your words and more importantly your heart. they were so real and honest, thought provoking and inspiring. I am looking forward to reading more. Have a blessed, blessed weekend!
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